Every day I went to work thinking “this might be the day I lose my job.” That’s the terror of corporate life when you are a pothead.
This job has always performed drug tests.
I had to quit smoking weed for a month before I started working here. That’s how long it took to get all the THC out of my system so I could pass the drug test! After I got hired the bosses told me that they reserved the right to issue a random drug test to any employee at any time. That was always looming over me like a dark cloud, because there was no way I would quit smoking cannabis for good. Even if it got me fired one day, living without a daily dose of cannabis is not a life I want to live! Instead, I went to the cannabis dispensary and bought a jar of fake pee, which I kept in my desk drawer at work. My plan was that if I ever got a random drug test I would just use the fake pee, and test clean for cannabis. If you were not aware of this, many cannabis shops sell products to help you get around drug tests. They sell imitation urine, of course, but also “purge” products to help rid your system of THC more quickly. As of last week I can throw away my jar of fake urine, because the bosses are no longer testing for cannabis. This is a long time coming, and it means now I can start smoking cannabis in the parking lot during lunch.